The Angry Whopper

I'm still miffed about missing out on my chance to get a free Whopper from Burger King, but I'm going to try to do something constructive with all that negative energy. The Angry Whopper gives me the perfect chance.

What better way to work out my own anger than to chomp down on what Burger King Commercials call "an onion, raised on anger"? My own rage can collided with that of the burger, resulting in some pretty strong opinions and, I hope, a fiery review. There is some danger that with all the fury involved, this review could tear the fabric of the universe and deep fry the world, so read with caution.


First of all, Burger King always seems to make me wait too long for my food. I had to stand for ten minutes before being served and there were only two people in front of me. Yes, they make the food to order, but they do it at the pace of a snail on morphine. There is no good reason I should be considering pitching a tent while waiting for two people to get their food, at least in a fast food restaurant.

Once the burger arrived, it wasn't too bad. I winced paying for the meal, which was $6.29 for a single-patty burger with accompanying drink and fries. But sitting down with the Angry Whopper wasn't a terrible thing. It's slathered with sweet and sour sauce, which is oddly paired with deep fried onions and jalapeno peppers. Yet the combination works. And Burger King's burgers do always taste a cut above those of McDonald's.

Still, I'm not happy that the best I can say about the Angry Whopper is that it wasn't too bad. It needs to be far spicier than it is. The jalapenos do spice things up, but those angry onions are a major disappointment. Instead of being hot and crisp, mine were soggy and tasteless -- they're irritated onions at best. This fancied-up whopper only merits three disappointingly bland sporks out of five. Obviously, truth in advertising does not live.

Not that that is a shocking revelation these days. All the recent spicy fare fast food joints have trumpeted has been disappointing. Remember Taco Bell's Volcano Taco? If you do, it's because it was pink, not because it was hot. The same holds true for the Angry Whopper.

Therefore I would like to issue an open challenge to any willing fast food restaurant. Make something spicy, and make it truly spicy. Back up those inevitable advertisements that show fire shooting out of someone's mouth with some actual habanero peppers and hot sauce or something. Jalapenos are good, but fast food needs to light a bigger fire in my belly.