July 15, 2010

My candy bar could have survived the zombie apocalypse

Post-apocalyptic zombie movies always seem to have survivors scrounging through dusty canned goods at deserted gas stations or desolate supermarkets. Usually it's a good excuse for directors to give the audience a run-in with a bloodthirsty member of the undead. Yet I'm not thinking about brains for lunch when I watch these films. My mind wanders to the prepacked food on the shelves.

What kind of variety can you get after the end of the world as we know it? Have picky survivors taken all the good items, leaving the slower, less-fortunate souls with the canned salmon and Cup Noodles? Are those Cup Noodles even edible without a prolonged stint in the microwave to bombard them into submission?

When you think about it, having to eat Cup Noodles in a world without hot water is enough to make you sympathize with the zombies. It makes fresh brains sound positively appetizing. 

Anyway, I had my own run-in tonight with long-in-the-tooth prepacked food. I picked up a tasty looking Nestle Crunch Crisp bar at a drug store that shall remain unnamed and gobbled it down. Afterward I noticed some writing on the inside of the wrapper:

Sorry, this is not a winning game wrapper but you can to to Xbox.com/nestle for exclusive offers from Major League Baseball® 2K8, available now at retail for your Xbox 360®.
Not only is Major League Baseball 2K8 available now at retail, it's been available for over two years. I'd say that places the carbon date of the candy bar at about 2 years.

Now I'm not going to pretend this is the oldest candy bar I've ever eaten. I'm sure I've had my fare share of elderly snacks from vending machines at out-of-the-way rest stops and gas stations. I even make a point of hunting through the discount bin at truck stops in hope of finding chocolate bargains that have passed their expected shelf life.

What's so unique about this candy bar is that I didn't even notice it was old until looking at the inner foil after I finished eating. The critical among you are no doubt preparing to attack my fitness as a food critique, but I assure you the chocolate was moist and the wafers crispy

It wasn't at all like some of the geriatric Baby Ruth and Hershey Cookies 'n Cream bar's I've picked up in the past. You see, Baby Ruth chocolate tends to dry out as it ages, while the Cookies 'n Cream bars take on a denser, syrupy composition. The Crunch Crisp barely changed. In retrospect I'd say it was bit harder to bite into than its juvenile brethren, but that's about it.

In a few more hours we'll know for sure if this candy bar truly defied the clock. So far things look promising: I'm not dead yet.

And I received a small insight into meal time after the zombie apocalypse wipes out our food supply lines. I know I'll be placing the Nestle Crunch Crisp on top of my shopping list as I pick through long-abandoned convenience stores

1 comment:

  1. Remind me to tell you about the time I bit into a stale Twinkie.