December 26, 2008

The quandary of leftover Christmas cookies

I have a confession to make. I've been eating leftover Christmas cookies all day. If I cared about such things, I'm sure I could feel the lipids pooling in my thighs.

Fortunately for me, I don't care about it at this point in my young life. But that doesn't change the fact that many of you out there do. Therefore I've come up with a countdown of the top five ways you can get rid of leftover Christmas cookies.

They all conform to two important principles: The cookies must be gone by New Year's Day because nobody wants to eat food from last year, and you must be involved in the eating of your own cookies. After all, you can't keep your New Year's resolution of losing 15 pounds if those stale sugar cookies keep confronting you when you get home from the gym. And justice dictates you should be stuck with what you bake.

Without further ado, here's the list!

5. Eat them. Slogging through leftovers is more fun with someone else! So sit down with a pal and have a snack. Better yet, invite some friends or family over and have a cookie-eliminating party. You can even disguise it as wanting to see them for the holidays. Even if you don't have anything to say, you can just shove a cookie in your mouth, wash it down with milk, and repeat -- you won't have to speak to the people you've invited. That way, you'll actually get rid of the cookies faster if you don't have anything to say.

4. Eat them. Nobody said you aren't allowed to eat alone. Many of us have the week between Christmas and New Year's off this year. (In my case, I may have longer than that off, depending on how my job hunt goes.) So we'll be around the house eying up the tins of leftover cookies all day. Just give in to temptation whenever it strikes.

3. Eat them. Make sure you have at least two cookies after every meal. Yes, that includes breakfast. Nothing tops off eggs and bacon like a nice chocolate chip cookie! Two cookies after every meal equals six fewer cookies sitting in the tin per day.

2. Eat them. If you ever find yourself tempted to give the cookies to the birds or a next door neighbor, stop immediately. You made the cookies, now you're stuck with them. Your neighbor probably has her own cookies, and the birds don't want to get fat any more than you do. Eat a cookie every time you're tempted to give some away.

1. Eat them. If all else fails, suspend all other snacks and meals and start a cookie-only diet. You're dealing with a short term-deadline here -- Those cookies have to be gone by the new year. Buckle down and motor through those 10 remaining ginger snaps. They have enough calories to count as a lunch, anyway.

Granted, these strategies all look a little similar. They might even leave you wishing you never see another Christmas cookie again, or at least wishing you didn't have quite so much arterial plaque. But I promise they'll whittle down your leftovers in no time flat.

So enjoy! And remember, you mixed the batter for your own grave. Now you have to bake in it.

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